It has been a rought start to the reading year. I am nowhere near where I want to be for reading. It's been a struggle for a few years now, but I finally feel like I am getting back into my groove and it's wonderful. However, because it has been such a slow start to the year I am going to do a quick run down of the books I have read so far this year. I will say while I haven't read much, most of the books I read have been four or five stars which for me is pretty amazing. I attribute that to both choosing authors I already love and really doing my research on books and using trusted sources so I am not choosing books with content I don't want to consume. So without further ado here are the books I have read from January through the end of June.
Fruitfully Planted
God has planted me firmly in His Word so I can produce good fruit. Welcome to this journey He has me on, as I share about how I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength each day. It's a messy journey but one full of His great mercy and glory. He deserves all the honor, and I'm just humbly sharing what He calls me to. This life of joyful obedience is one I wouldn't change for any other. I hope you learn more about His love for you, while experiencing my journey.
Mid-Year Reading Wrap-Up
The Proclaimer - Megan Schaulis
Proclaimer by Megan Schaulis
Set Up: This is book 2 of the Susa Chronicles and concludes the reimagining of Esther that we began in the first book Protector. This book picks up very close to where the first book ended. The competition is over and we are now dealing with all the events which happened during the competition and the aftermath. We continue to follow Novalise and King Zadien, but we have Declan's perspective thrown into the mix as well. Declan is Novalise's brother. The heat towards the Alphanites is increasing as the King has pretty much declared the Alphanites are public enemy number one. Both Novalise and King Zadien continue to grow closer while their lives become more complicated by the minute. There are still so many truths to discover and secrets to shed light on. The action ramps up and there are moments we don't know who to trust. We see her struggle between her feelings, and the guiding voice she hears. We also see her struggle with the opinons and plans of those around her and her own control of the situations. It is a roller coaster start to finish.
My Thoughts:
Let me share the opening line or two with you because in my opinion it doesn't really give any spoilers: "Zadien's words knock through my brain like a loose boulder tearing down the mountain near our compound. If I'd looked at that boulder a few seconds earlier, I'd never have imagined the damage it was about to cause. Yet, with the slightest shift of earth, the massive force let loose, and with each rotation down the slope, momentum built until nothing in it's path was safe."
Yep that's how it started and ya'll Proclaimer did not disappoint. I absolutely adored Protector and was so excited to read this book. It was everything I could have hoped for and more. I don't even know where to begin because like the previous book I flew through this one. I definitely need to get them in physical copies STAT. My heart broke and was put back together about a million and one times throughout this story. There are twists and turns all over the place. While we know there are certain things which will happen because Esther is our base, I had no idea how we were getting there. There were so many intricate parts, and I was here for it.
Again the faith was on par, just like the last book. The theme of this book in my opinion was all about boldness and surrender. We all know that God will ask us to do things which push outside of our comfort zone and it's trusting that process. Trusting that even through the hard things, and the pain, obedience always has the greatest reward because He is the one guiding our steps and who can see the whole picture. I also think the anguish Novalise feels and the battle between not wanting to feel pain and being obedient is so real. Picking up our cross is never easy, it wasn't meant to be, because we can only become more like Christ as we are refined and in order to be refined we often have to go through fire. Yet the way she bares her heart, is so inspiring because we can all relate in some way.
There were two scenes that really stood out to me, and which I saved quotes from. Both closer to the end of the book which means I can't really share either quote. There is so much love and forgiveness despite the pain, and freedom when we lean into God. The first scene is between Novalise, Declan and a prisoner. He is forgiven and she is reminded of how loved she is. The second scene is when she is crying out and feeling like she can't go any further, but is reminded about who God created her to be. Both had me in anguish yet they also had me seeing the beauty of God's ways in what He commands us to do.
There is so much I want to say, yet so much I won't because I don't want to spoil anything and being the second book everything I say would pretty much be a spoiler. I wish I could say more, but I really don't want to give anything away, so just go read it!!! So excuse the mediocreness of this post, because there is so much I want to gush about, but simply cannot. In my head though all the amazingness of the book with all the details is running rampant. So if you have read the book and want to talk about it, let's discuss, because I would love to dive into all the details.
I was excited that we were able to see the story come to a conclusion, and oh what heart pounding but satisfying conclusion it was. I am also really excited about what's to come. I can't wait for the next story as we follow another character whom I absolutely adore. I love staying in a world a bit longer especially when I fall in love with the whole band of characters. If we could have a book for all her Alphanite brothers and the Enhanced she came to be close to, I would simply adore it, just saying. :)
About the Author
After a year of traveling the country in a 100-square-foot camper with her husband, daughter, and dog, Megan Schaulis returned home and wrote her first novel.
Megan has a B.A. in Journalism from Arizona State University and is a member of the ACFW. As a special education teacher, she helped young people fall in love with reading and writing. Today, when she's not spinning stories, Megan uses words in playful and creative ways at her branding agency. Her debut series is The Susa Chronicles, a YA dystopian reimagining of Esther, released with WhiteCrown publishing in 2024 . She lives in Abilene, Texas, where you’ll find her staying up way too late reading or hiking with her family.
Instagram | Pinterest Board for Book by Megan | Megan's Website
I want to thank the publisher and Band of Booksters for a copy of this book to read and review, all opinions expressed are most definitely my own.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say, and I hope you have a blessed day.
With Love,
Melanie
Northargyle Abbie - Janelle Leonard
Set Up: In this story we have Abigail who is a pastor's daughter and works at a museum. She has a passion for history and the creativity to come up with witty placards. She inherits a cottage in Australia after her grandmother passes away. A cottage she never even knew existed. With this cottage comes the mystery of her grandmother's real life, the island of Northargyle, and the mystery around a lost princess. Along the way she meets some shady characters as well as some great friends. We accompany her on her journey of faith and discovery, as she unravels the mystery that is her grandmother's life. She accomplishes this with the help of Colter who is a local who helps her find clues to the mystery she is trying to unravel. His sister is there as well. The dynamic him and his sister bring to the story adds wonder and a beautiful view of true friendship.
My thoughts: I really enjoyed the story and was drawn in immediately. Although I have read other books by Jane Austen, I have never read Northanger Abbey, and therefore didn't have that as a background so I don't know how it compares. Now I want to definitely read it because I enjoyed this spin of it so much.The placards Abigail writes at the beginning of each chapter were such a fun addition to the book. I absolutely adored the faith content in this book, as well as the mystery. I was trying to put the pieces together as Abigail was tying to them together, and she is the much better detective than I am. I also appreciate that the romance was natural, and really not the center of the story. I am finding that stories in which the romance is there but secondary to the plot line and full of depth are the stories I am drawn to. I also loved the family dynamics. The love the family had for one another even with squabbles was so tangible. Not to mention the fact that she had only brothers and I just loved the banter there.
The themes of service, sacrifice, hope and faith are intricately tied together throughout the novel. I think we can learn so much from how these characters, even in their pain and heartache, relied on the Lord. They didn't sit in their feelings and let their feelings guide their decisions. They had faith even when life got hard, and trusted in God's plan. I think it is so important for us to see this emulated in books, because it is how we should live life as Christians. This book definitely encompassed what the Christian walk should look like. Life should consist of obedience to the Lord, and accepting His will no matter what. We should be going to Him with all of our concerns and waiting for answers, making sure we are quieting down enough to listen. We must remember that our timing is not His timing, and surrendering to His will will always produce fruit.
I really enjoyed the journey we got to go on with Abigail. I think part of the journey began when Colter asks her the question "why not you?" This question is a great one for us to ask ourselves as well. Why don't we do that thing? God may ask us "why not you, you are the one I am choosing to send." We forget too quickly that God pushes us outside of our comfort zone that He asks us to do things that are going to stretch and grow us, but ultimately will accomplish His will and give Him glory. We were created to glorify Him in every thought, word, and action. We are to share His story, to fullfill the path He has for each one of us, and it will look different for each one of us, but it will involve us being pushed and stretched because that is where sanctification happens. This book really demonstrates taking leaps of faith, trusting even though we find the task scary. It demonstrated how we won't get it right every time, because we are not perfect, but even through those mistakes God has a plan for us.
Such a wonderful read. I didn't go into too much detail on the book specifics because I didnt' want to give anything away, but this is definitely a must read.
Here is a link to the book information if you would like to check it out: Northargyle Abbie
About the Author: Janelle Leonard is a Jane Austen fangirl with an overactive imagination who creates web-twisty plotlines from her home in Pennsylvania. When she's not writing, reading, editing, drinking coffee, or working at an elementary school library, she's finding creative ways to procrastinate. Janelle and her hubby have successfully raised three boys, losing lots of brain space to turbos and mufflers. She is passionate about living authentically while serving and encouraging others to see their worth, using writing as a key to unlock worlds of possibility.
Here are some of the places you can interact with the author:
Website | Newsletter | Instagram | Facebook
I want to thank the publishers for a complimentary copy of this book to read and review. I was not required to provide a positive review and all opinions expressed are mine alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope you check out the book and have a blessed day.
Melanie
Christmas in the Castle Library - Ann Swindell
My Thoughts: So the title itself immediately drew me towards this book. Christmas is one of my favorite times of year and as a lover of books I would adore spending the holiday in a castle library. So I went into this book with very high hopes. This book definitely did not disappoint. The depth of the characters and the way faith was woven in so effortlessly was phenomenal. This was my first book by this author and I am hooked. Their was conflict but what I loved most was there didn't seem to be unnecessary drama that can sometimes happen with conflict in a romance. It felt natural and true to life. One of my new tests for a book is could I hand this to my thirteen year old and be okay with that, and this book definitely passes that test. The way Mark treats Ellie with a Christ like love is wonderfully heart warming. There is so much more I want to say but it would give spoilers. I may have to start giving a spoiler warning so I can talk about the books as much as I want.
I highlighted several quotes from this book. I am going to share two of my favorites:
"Help me see myself as you do, Lord. Help me define myself by your love. Because hope is here in my heart, too, but it feels like a small bird with broken wings that's been limping in my soul for years. I want it to fly, but I don't know how."
This next one may be considered a spoiler so read at your own risk, but it was too good not to share. I am loved this entire scene but am going to only share the last words Mark says to Ellie:
"Her burning cheeks were now wet with tears, but he didn't stop. "Please, Ellie, don't talk about the woman I love with disdain. Every part of you is precious to me and I love you."
I could relate so much to what Ellie went through and how she viewed herself because for the majority of my life I felt the same way. So to read what Mark says to her in this scene was like a balm to my soul because it reminded me of how my husband feels, and how God sees me. That beauty is so much more than what the world says it is, and was a reminder of how comparison truly is the thief of joy.
We get to continue with the story and discover more about the queen in the next book and I am excited for the next installment in this series. I highly recommend this book.
Here is a link so you can check out the book: Christmas in the Castle Library
Ann Swindell writes stories that point to Christ's presence in our day-to-day lives and the hope He brings to our hearts. She is the author of multiple books and the owner of Writng with Grace, where she teaches Christ-centered writing classes for women. Ann lives in West Michigan, and she enjoys adventuring with her family...usually with a cup of Earl Grey tea in hand.
Here are some of the places you can interact with the author:
Instagram | Facebook | Website & Newsletter | Pinterest
I want to thank the publishers for a complimentary copy of this book to read and review. I was not required to provide a positive review and all opinions expressed are mine alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts, I hope you have a blessed day.
Melanie
Love in the Eternal City - Rebecca W. Martin
Love in the Eternal City by Rebecca W. Martin
Set Up: In this story we follow Elena who has just had her heart broken by both her fiancee and her best friend as she begins her new job in Rome, Italy, and Benedikt who is a member of the Swiss Guard watching over Vatican City, the heart of the Catholic Church. Thanks to the meddling of a spymaster, Beni's coworker/friend and Beni's sister, these two start to become close. We follow them on their journey full of ups and downs to see where God might guide their relationship.
My Thoughts: This book was a welcome surprise. I love depth in my romance books, but I never go in expecting that depth to be there, because that would leave me disappointed the majority of the time. However, this book really allows us to get to know the characters very well. We see their pain and struggles and walk with them as they allow God to guide and heal them. I related to Elena and her thoughts on so many levels. Having been in a relationship with echoes of what Elena experienced it was hard and yet catharthic in many ways to walk with her through the pain.
I long to go back to Italy some day so experiencing Rome through this book was wonderful. We were able to see some of the sights, as well as get a more in depth look at the Vatican. I didn't know anything about the Swiss Guard so seeing how they work was fun, and may lead me down rabbit holes of learning. It's always good when a book inspires me to search out more information. I also really appreciated how central God was to the story line. Sometimes in Christian Fiction God only drops in a bit, but here He was integral. We experience them both getting closer to Him through the Catholicism they both practice, and their prayers. It was a wonderful story and I will definitely be adding a copy to my library.
Here is a link so you can check out the book yourself: Love in the Eternal City
About the Author
Rebecca W. Martin is a Lay Dominican and lifelong Catholic with too many cats, a deep affection for semicolons, and very few hobbies besides publishing. She is the auhtor of two children's books: Meet Sister Mary Margaret (OSV, 2023) and Father Drew, What Do You Do? (OSV, 2025). She serves as Acquisitions Editor for Our Sunday Visitor, freelances as Assistant Editor for Chrism Press, and volunteers as Editor for the Lay Dominicans of Central Province of St. Albert the Great, USA.
When she's not working and freelancing, Rebecca writes children's books, novels, essays, and poetry; sings in a concert choir; and reads just about anything. She is also an active member of the Catholic Writers Guild, and lives in Michigan with her husband and feline assistants.
Here are some other places you can interact with the author:
Instagram | Facebook | Website & Newsletter
With Love,
Melanie
Because of You - Hannah Currie
Set Up: In this story we follow Chloe as she embarks on her first missions trip. She has been dreaming of this trip for years despite her young age of sixteen. She will be going from Australia where her home is to Thailand to help out at an orphanage for girls. We get to experience the journey from beginning to end as her and a group of teenagers spend their summer making an impact for God in another country.
My Thoughts: Wow! Much like the other Hannah Currie book I read recently I absolutely adored this one. I was very impacted by the stories Chloe encounters along the way, including her own testimony. The girls at the orphanage broke my heart while bringing me so much joy and innocence. Throughout this story Chloe experiences growth, but not in the way she was expecting. I love how this demonstrates how God can use us in so many different ways to be the light for others. Even what seem like small and inconsequential ways.
Experiencing the culture of Thailand a bit was fun, as I love getting to travel to different places via books. It's one of the greatest perks is "seeing" places that I may never physically be able to visit. In this case the challenge of a place in which they couldn't rely on modern day conveniences is one which promotes so much growth. I also appreciated learning more about how Teen Missions works, and discovering that the author went on a trip herself was a fun tidbit of information.
I love how integral God is in the story, because honestly it's not always the case with Christian fiction. We are able to see the real life application of obedience and the consequences of whether we choose to obey or not. The choices and Biblical application felt so natural and I loved that. Just a wonderfully encouraging and inspiring book.
This book was a five star read for me and one I will definitely be buying to add to my physical shelves and sharing with my daughter, actually I will probably have my boys read it as well.
As I always like to do with my book reviews where I am blessed to receive a copy of the book for free, I like to share some information about the author, and where you can find the book. I love getting to know the authors behind the books I read. Especially the five star reads, as they typically become authors whom I love all of their books.
Here are some places you can find the book: Whitefire Publishing | Amazon | Barnes & Noble
About the Author:
While she never dreamed of being a princess for real (way too many expectations and people watching), she certainly wouldn't say no to the gorgeous gowns, endless wardrobes, chefs, and cleaners that come with job. A crown or two wouldn't go astray either. Or Belle's library. Where she'd just sit and stare at the books with a giddy smile on on her face for hours.
Hannah lives with her husband and three kids in Australia, where they proudly claim Queen Elizabeth II and the royal family as their own. She is very honored to be one of the launching authors for the new WhiteCrown Publishing line with her Crown of Promise series full of faith, romance, and -of course- royals.
Author Links
Instagram | Facebook | Newsletter | Goodreads | Bookbub
The Protector - Megan Schaulis
Set Up: Novalise is our main character who has been in hiding with her brother and the rest of the Alphanites, due to religious persecution. She is ready to help and make a difference for their group. We are getting to know her and the group of boys she considers her brothers, when she is unexpectedly thrust into a competition against a group of women known as the Enhanced. We follow her journey as she learns to navigate the competition as well as this entirely new world she was thrown into. We also meet King Zadien who is still reeling after his father's sudden death and must now learn how to be the king and leader his people need. While he is trying to uncover what happened to his father, his council gets him to agree to a competition with the Enhanced so that he can select his new bodyguard. Secret identities and rendezvous' are around every corner. We begin this story in the dark and more light is shed as it progresses, which helps us slowly begin piecing together the mystery, and truth of what is going on.
My Thoughts: This book, where to even begin. The cover is gorgeous so we can begin there as I try to collect my thoughts. I'm a sucker for a gorgeous cover. Let's face it despite the addage "don't judge a book by it's cover," we are drawn to beauty so of course we are going to admire a book's cover.
This book rapidly became one of my favorites. Definitely five stars because I couldn't put it down and honestly didn't want to. So many things about this story were unique, but I definitely felt the Esther vibes once the setting moved to the city. I was on such a creative and emotional journey with the characters. The love and camraderie she captures between the Alphanites is beautiful and such a wonderful example of family and community. My character driven self is generally not a plot person, there is a fast moving plot and some actions. Now while I'm not a huge action person in books, it played well in this story. The dichotomy of my attachment to the characters and the experiences which were propelling us forward was near perfection. I was fully invested and the action didn't feel like the movies do sometimes where there is action just because, there was purpose and trajectory to it.
This book showed an intentionality that reminds me of God's path for us. As we are propelled along with Novalise there were quite a few twists and turns, yet the tenacity and courage she shows stands out especially when she finally trusts. The faith content of this book was done in such a beautiful and wonderful way. I don't want to say too much because I think it's better to experience it first hand. So all I will say is it really makes me think of my relationship with the Lord, and how I want that to look.
Last random note I will say is that this book is my standard of clean which means no explicit scenes of any kind, and I don't remember any language either.
This was such a wonderfully written story that sends the reader on an emotional rollercoaster. The coaster picks up steam as the end of the book nears and man does it end on a cliffhanger. To demonstrate how much this book affected me, it has been at least a week since I finished this story and that last scene of the book is still with me. It is breaking my heart. I cannot wait for the next book so I can discover where this journey goes. It's so funny because I know how the book of Esther ends, but I can't wait to finish this journey that Megan began because I imagine this road has many more twists and turns before we get to the end.
Here is the link to book on the author's page so you can check out the book for yourself: Protector book
Also, I love getting to know authors, so here is a bit about the author and the places around the web where you can get to know her more!
About the
Author
After a year of traveling the country in a 100-square-foot camper with her husband, daughter, and dog, Megan Schaulis returned home and wrote her first novel.
Megan has a B.A. in Journalism from Arizona State University and is a member of the ACFW. As a special education teacher, she helped young people fall in love with reading and writing. Today, she uses words in playful and creative ways at her branding agency. She lives in Abilene, Texas, where you’ll find her staying up way too late reading or hiking with her family.
Instagram | Pinterest Board for Book by Megan | Megan's Website
Thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say, and I hope you have a blessed day.
With Love,
Melanie
Homeschool Wrap-Up 2023
Better late than never here is how our 2023 homeschool year went. Our 2023 homeschool year wrapped up in November right before Thanksgiving. Our learning year runs from January to November. We take our biggest break from the week of Thanksgiving to Ephiphany. This allows us to really sink into Advent and end our year reflecting on how God has moved within our learning life. We were all sick over Christmas which meant I didn't fully get my planning done, which is why posting has been somewhat delayed as well. Enough of that let's move on to how our homeschool year went in 2023.
Reflecting back I know there were many areas in which it could have been better. A lot of that stems from my undisciplined nature and not planning effectively. Not planning meant that I wasn't preparead and that showed. However, as the year went on I did become consistent in a few of our subjects. We have nailed our Bible time, we have a program we love and have a good level of variety. The other subject I mastered was Science. We found a curriculum we absolutely adore and it was some of the best learning we have had in a long time. As a result of this science curriculum working so well I realized we all learn really well when someone else teaches us via video.
History was not a success. I thought for sure we had a found something we would enjoy and while it went okay at first, it was not our cup of tea. So by the end of the year history was a bit of a struggle. The other areas in which we need to focus on going forward are language and math. I need to find some consistency and joy in these subjects to enrich our learning.
I think the biggest thing I discovered over this past year is that I need to really focus on our family, and how we learn best. It should not look like public school, and it shouldn't look like any one else's homeschool. God created our family unique and so our homeschool schould reflect that. This means for us utilizing more video based learning as well as ensuring I am not the only teacher. We keep the majority of our learning communal, and I do most of the reading aloud. Yet I am finding that they need my voice to not be the only one. So I am making some changes to our learning in 2024.
We test at the end of each year because in New Hampshire we have to test or do a portfolio evaluation and I find that testing gives me a better view of how they are doing in a general sense than the portfolio evaluation. I don't care about the test scores, they are just an easy way for me to ensure improvement and exposes them to what a standardized test is like. Peanut loves the testing and looks forward to it each year, the boys not so much. All children improved from the previous year, and all are at or above grade level.
We may be 10 years into this homeschooling thing, but I feel like I am just now finally finding my groove, and really making sure my plans reflect what our family looks like, and the learning styles of each of my children. God is really showing me how to cultivate our family culture and to disciple our children and teach them how to be obedient to Him. He is doing that by showing me how to be obedient, and me walking in that obedience. Homeschooling is one of the ministries He has called me to, and I feel so blessed and honored. I feel ill-equipped and always have in so many ways, but I know that's a lie and the truth is He has equipped me and gives me the strength and direction I need.
So while I felt 2023 was not an amazing learning year, God is showing me the way and I am trusting in Him, which means I anticipate 2024 will be even better as I really hone in on what works and doesn't work for our family.
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a blessed day.
Heart of a Royal - Hannah Currie
Trust the Stars - Tricia Goyer
Trust the Stars by Tricia Goyer
This book had a bit of a slow start, which can make it challenging to keep going, but it picked up a bit as the book went on. I enjoyed the dynamic between the two main characters Olivia, and Louis. I appreciated the amount of faith that was interwoven, it was truly a part of the characters every day life. Louis’ confidence bolstered Olivia which was beautiful to see. They helped to heal each other and to follow God’s path for them. It was a very sweet story and the glances to Alessandria in the past added an interesting dynamic. I wasn't sure how she would be connected, but I do love how Tricia connected her to the current characters. Overall a wonderful story about finding our identity in God and not our circumstances, as well as trusting Him to provide and not letting the fear of the past dictate our actions.
About the Author
Tricia Goyer is the author of more than 85 books, she writes both fiction and nonfiction related to family and parenting. This USA-Today Best-selling Author has also won two Carol Awards and a Retailer’s Best Award. She was also an ECPA Gold Medallion Nominee and a Christy Award Nominee and won Writer of the Year from the Mt. Hermon Christian Writers Conference.
A beloved author of Amish fiction, as well, having written the Big Sky and Seven Brides for Seven Bachelors series. She has spoken at events such as MomCon, Raising Generations, and Teach Them Diligently conferences and is the host of the podcasts, The Tricia Goyer Show and Daily Bible Podcast that she co-hosts with Michelle Hill.
A homeschooling mom of ten, including seven by adoption, Tricia is also a grandmother of four and wife to John. With a busy life, she understands the importance of making every word count.
You can read more about the adoption story HERE.
Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Podcast
My Testimony
I am reading Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Charles Swindoll and in one of the chapters he asks the question "What is the most defining moment of your life?" I immediately thought of my testimony, the moment God changed my life. Ironically this is not a specific moment in time, at least I can't pinpoint one. After reading this chapter there was a sermon at my church in which we were encouraged us to write our testimonies down and document the ways God has moved in our lives. Enter Holy Spirit and His conviction for me to write down my testimony and share it with others. So despite my feeling awkward and as though I can't do justice to the change God has made, it is not about me, but about Him so here I go.
As any good testimony would do I will begin with life before God. Growing up I knew of God from attending Catholic Sunday school as an elementary student, but He was not a central figure in our lives. I simply heard about Him once a week until my brother and I refused to go to Sunday school. I was in middle school when we stopped attending. When we moved back to the area where all our family lived, I was able to see glimpses of Him when I spent time with my Nana and one set of cousins. I helped my Nana take care of my younger cousins in the summers, and gleaned so much from her. Although I do wish I would have paid a little more attention while she was still with us. It saddens me that we didn't get to share our faith while she was here on earth, but I can't wait to see her in Heaven one day. The family I spent a lot of time with in my high school years, was made up of three cousins whom were sisters. Since they were Christians I was able to experience God through them as well. I saw how they lived set apart, but only looking back on it now can I truly appreciate it and the impact it had on me. I know that being around my Nana and cousins laid the seed for my faith.
Even with these amazing people in my life showing me God, there was a lot going on under the surface. I had always had feelings of inadequacy and simply wanted to be liked. I was a huge people pleaser. I didn't want to be the center of attention, but I did long to have my voice heard and valued among my peers. It was hard for that to happen because of the walls I had erected. In college my feelings were amplified, and boys began paying attention to me for the first time. Obviously this led to the disastrous search for love in all the wrong ways. As a part of this search, I became involved with a man who would define my life in an extremely negative way. He was emotionally manipulative and abusive making me feel like I was never good enough. This served as confirmation of the lies I already believed about myself. Thankfully the relationship only lasted a year, but in the process I lost my best friend from high school. There was so much damage done that I am still undoing it, twenty years later. Alas, that is a more in depth story for another day.
Thankfully God brought my husband into my life through some pretty interesting circumstances, but again that's a story for a different time. During the first nine years of our marriage, I suffered from the rollercoaster of depression, was extremely pessimistic and sarcastic, dealt with sexual sin both alone and together with my husband and I was having panic attacks in regards to dying. There I was a mom with three young children and the thought of dying terrified and crippled me. I was moody, angry, a massive complainer and overall not really a pleasant person to be around. I had mastered the art of bottling up all of my emotions, because who needed to talk about them. I let resentment and emotions build up until they exploded like a volcano. My communication skills were nonexistent, and caused a lot of tension because I refused to talk pre-explosion. As a result of being quiet and reserved I spent the majority of time in my head and life was just passing me by in a miserable blur. I was drowning and felt as though no one could save me, the sinking was inevitable.
But God! In the spring of 2015 God reached His hand down and pulled me out of the water. I can't remember their being a catalyst or something specific that happened where I finally heard God. I simply remember Him gently nudging me towards Him, and gradually sensing His presence as He made Himself known to me. He began putting godly women and influences into my life. This was the huge benefit of social media for me, being able to find other women who were following the Lord and could guide me, without me actually knowing them in person. These women slowly showed me what it meant to follow Him. He would put the people in my life who I needed in that season and it has changed as I have grown. There were some things He changed that felt pretty instantaneous, while others have been more gradual. The instantaneous transformation banished my depression, anxiety, some of the sexual sin and the fear of death. I was no longer moody or unpleasant to be around. It has taken much longer to tackle my self-doubt, the trauma from my abusive relationship, and develop healthy communication skills. However, the immediate changes were so significant that my husband will tell you I had become a very different woman.
God works in such amazing ways and as my relationship with Him grew, He used me to bring my husband back to Him. We began going to church in fall of 2017 based on a recommendation from my husbands co-worker and we still are attending that church to this day. In addition, our family life was slowly transforming as we introduced our children to God. By the summer of 2018 Holy Spirit was prompting me to announce that I belonged to God. Both my oldest child and I were baptized that year. We continued discovering what it meant to follow God and walk the path He had for us. In the summer of 2019 God called us to sell our house and move in with my parents so that He could provide a job change for my husband. At the beginning of 2020 he quit his job to set off on an adventure and a two month long class. Then as we all know the world shut down and we saw why God had us with my parents, as my husband's class was canceled and he was without employment for about 6 months. God provided employment and my husband is much happier in this job than he ever was in his previous one.
God is faithful and loving and the journey is an ongoing one. I will be the first to say the journey is not easy, but when we rely on God there is peace even amidst the storms. This past year alone is a testament to how challenging and hurtful sanctification can be. However, the peace and joy I have now is so opposite the depression and struggle I had before. I feel freedom in a way that feels impossible to explain. That love I had been searching for in all the wrong places was waiting for me in God's arms. I am His child and He will never leave me. I get to spend eternity with Him and nothing brings me more joy than that knowledge. I am so grateful that God takes the time to sanctify us. It's so interesting to me to see His plans coming to fruition. Everything is in His good timing, and while I was immediately made a new creation and some changes reflected that, the process of sanctification takes time and God will guide changes in us when it is time and we can have the most success.
I realize He is calling me to share more about my journey and to be truly faithful in posting here on the blog, so I need to be obedient in what He is asking of me. I will say I'm not off to a great start as I have been sitting on this post for at least a week, because posting it feels so vulnerable and terrifying. Posting it is taking a giant leap of faith and I am a person who loves to stay within my comfort zone. Yet, how boring would that be, and I wouldn't be able to glorify God which is what I am called to do. So I'm hitting post, and trusting Him in my obedience.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my testimony. I hope you have a blessed day.